I Hate That I'm Afraid
by simmerk
Summary: A Dark fairytale because nothing happens like this in real life.


**A/N I hate that I'm too afraid to feel. A dark fairy tale cause nothing really ends this way.**

When I walked into class today and saw him for the first time, my life was altered. The second I saw him was the very first time I felt the thrill of lust shoot through my body. Just the way his dark eyes connected with mine sent my soul aflame and I just knew; he could make me scream, him the predator and me his willing prey.

For once there was hope for more than passing time alone, invisible. I imagined a life that offered me more than a cold room, being still, being quiet. "Children were meant to be seen not heard" or so grandmother dearest proclaimed. After spending years dead inside, I felt… stirred. I sat in front of him as if a magnet pulled me there. His looks were the first thing to draw me to him but once I was near I felt an electric charge against the skin on my neck. I could feel his eyes bore into me.

My breathing became uneven and I felt a throbbing in between my legs. My breasts felt heavy and my body was hyper aware of every shift that he made in his seat. I tried to get a hold of myself. I breathed deeply in and out until I could feel the heat seep from my face. The air was still thick but I felt like I had a hold of my emotions for now. I sat through class barely paying attention to Mr. Banner drone on. When the bell rang I gathered my things quickly and left before I could embarrass myself.

Only now that I am alone in my room did I allow my mind to try to comprehend him. He stood out from everybody with his bronze hair long and tousled. His pale skin accentuated his dark eyes. He was wearing fitted jeans and a faded black Rob Zombie T-shirt. What really got me though was the way that he looked at me. I mean _really_ looked at me. It was like he saw right through me and into my pain. But I saw a similar pain reflected back through his glossy orbs. I hate that I'm afraid. I wish that I would have talked to him. I have never been so intrigued by another human being in my life.

I don't know what to do about this ache in between my legs. Every time I think of him I can picture his hands sliding over my skin softly and yet there was something sinister about him. I could tell from his eyes that he was dangerous but somehow I knew he would never hurt me. He is mine. And I am his. I wanted him to touch me and I wanted very much to touch him. Explore every inch of his skin to see if he felt what I am feeling. But none of that will ever happen because I am too chicken shit to talk to him! Ugh! This feeling was exhilarating however the deep rooted shame set in quickly.

I threw my pencil out of frustration and it hit the wall. The sound was deafening in my quiet room. I know that my life is not normal but I also know that I can't do anything about that. Most 17 year olds could watch TV or listen to the radio. I had a bed, a nightstand, and my notebook. Usually writing helped with my frustration but today he haunted me. I was allowed to leave my room to use the restroom or to make something to eat. Most of the time I didn't eat though, just walking through the living room to get to the kitchen was enough to push my hunger away. Today however I needed to eat. I was afraid I would be sick if I didn't.

I walked through the living room with my head down trying to be invisible. I made it to the kitchen and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I would just grab some crackers and go back to my room quickly. My hopes of going unnoticed were shattered when the creaking of the cupboard elicited a yell from my grandmother.

"What are you getting into now?" She questioned, as though I had been annoying her all day.

"Just some crackers gram, I'll go back to my room now." I said in an almost whisper.

As I passed my step-grandfather he gave me a hungry look that made me uncomfortable. I had only been living with my grandparents for two years now but I knew the rules. I was to stay quiet and out of their way. I hated when my gram went to work. She is by far the most vocal, and whenever I got punished she would be the one to dish it out, but it was my grandpa that scared me. He never spoke, just grunted in response to my grams constant nagging. He would watch porn out in the living room really loud and it made me uncomfortable. Perhaps this is why it has taken me so long to find a boy I was attracted to. As I scurried into my room I decided; I would talk to him tomorrow.

Getting ready for school was interesting. I decided that I would become the predator. I didn't have any nice or even revealing clothing but I made it look as good as possible. I wore light blue fitted jeans that flared at the bottom and a white shirt that was old and a little too small for me. It hugged my curves nicely, making my B cups seem larger than what they were. I threw a sweater on over it so my grandparents wouldn't see. They were very concerned about people thinking I was "loose". Well thanks to them I was on my way to try to seduce the new boy. I wore my long brown hair down from its usual ponytail. I gave myself one last look in the mirror noting that if I looked at him from under my eyelashes, he may find it sexy. This would be easy to maneuver since he was much taller than my 5'4 frame.

When I entered Mr. Banner's classroom I was disappointed to see he was not in his chair. I took the same chair as yesterday in hopes that he would show up late. As the classroom filled up I felt him before I saw him. The electricity was back and it caught me off guard. My nipples tightened quite obviously in my small white shirt. I focused on my breathing just like the day before. Mr. Banner told us to pick partners to discuss the reading. I put my head down and waited until I heard a voice soft like velvet but with a calm sternness.

"Would you like to be my partner?" I could feel his hot breath against the back of my neck and ear and it sent tingles to my groin. I turned my head slightly not looking at him and whispered back, "Sure".

The classroom was loud now and everyone was talking and moving their desks together.  
"I'm Edward," he said with a slight smirk "and you're Bella," his eyes sparked with something I didn't recognize as he said my name, "shall we begin then?"

Before I could speak he lifted my desk with me in it and turned it toward him. I let out a small squeak of surprise and he chuckled at me. Oh my god, the sound of his chuckle reverberated deep within me. I noticed he wore the same outfit he had on yesterday. He looked good enough to eat. At the same time his eyes raked over my body. I remembered my hardened nipples and blushed, quickly crossing my arms in front of my chest.

He looked me straight in my eye while taking his index finger and lightly trailing it across the arm that covered my breasts. "Do you not feel that Bella?" I didn't say anything. I don't think I could. He continued to stroke my arm, giving me Goosebumps.

"Your body betrays you Bella." He trailed his hand to my hair and brought a handful to his face breathing in deeply. "You want me Bella; I can make you feel good." Was he hypnotizing me? It was working. He tucked my hair behind my ear and trailed his finger down my jaw and onto my pulse point. "I can feel it" His voice sounded strained and he licked his lips making me sigh softly.

The ringing of the bell made me jump about 3 feet in the air and I instantly blushed again. He laughed his musical laugh again put his hand on the side of my neck. As he leaned in he whispered in my ear, "I think we need to work on this project more. I can't wait to give it my full attention. You can come home with me to…," he paused and skimmed his nose up and down the length of my neck. "Study" he finished with a smirk. I was trapped in him. I nodded and kept my head down. His hand reached under my chin to pull my gaze to his. "That's my girl" he said with a smirk. I couldn't help the smile that overtook me.

He called me "his." Out of everything else that he said that is what kept me floating the rest of the day. I belonged to him. He would make me feel good. My whole plan of seduction quickly flew out the window.

I should have known he would be waiting for me after school but he surprised me none the less. He wrapped his arm around me possessively and kissed my temple. I relaxed into his body and we began our walk to his house. I didn't care that my gram was going to go ballistic, I didn't care that my stomach was in knots because of my inexperience, all I knew was that I was his and he was equally mine. He brought me to a really small home and stopped at the door to pull out his keys. I finally found my voice.

"Is there anyone home?" I asked quickly while I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.

He opened the door and pulled me inside, "There is now little lamb. I live here by myself. It isn't much but it's mine." He looked at me again before pulling me into a hug. "It's all mine." He whispered. I shivered in anticipation.

He pulled back and looked at me genuinely concerned, "are you afraid?" The tone in his voice almost broke my heart. His cool façade dropped for a second and I saw that he expected me to be afraid of him.

"No" I answered quickly. "I'm afraid of my life, I'm afraid of my grandparents, but I don't think I could ever be afraid of you." I looked at him from under my eyelashes as previously planned. The intensity returned in his eyes and he said sternly, "Then I want you to say it. Out loud." He closed his eyes and whispered "Say it."

The moment was thick and I wasn't quite sure what he wanted me to say so I took a deep breath and said what came to my mind first. "I'm yours." I spoke with a conviction I didn't know I possessed. His eyes popped open and I stepped closer to him so that our bodies touched. I put his hand on my heart and both of us took in a quick breath. "Make me yours." I whispered looking up at him.

Within seconds his lips were attached to mine kissing hungrily. It took me a couple seconds to catch his pace but when I did he groaned into my mouth. He backed me up to his couch and set me down. He stood in front of me and took off his shirt. His chest was not well defined but hard and I could see his muscles move under his skin. I wanted to lick him.

I stood up and moved both hands slowly up his chest starting at his stomach. When I grazed over his nipples his breath hitched and I looked up curious. His eyes were hooded with lust and finally I gave over to instinct and tasted his skin. I started with his collar bone, kissing and sucking the path from one side to another. His hands were running urgently up and down my back.

I dipped lower and took one of his nipples into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it. He growled, _fucking growled_, at me and grabbed my ass with both hands lifting me up to capture my mouth. Instinctively I wrapped my legs around him. He moved us to his bed, laying me down in the middle, before walking around the bedposts staring at me with that predator look.

"I'm not afraid of you" I said with a smirk.

He smiled back at me, "Hmmmm, well….you really shouldn't have said that."

Before I could register what he said he was on top of me straddling my hips, his weight felt nice against me. He grabbed the collar of my shirt and ripped it open. I was wearing a plain white bra with a light blue bow in the middle. I moved to cover myself embarrassed by my body. He quickly grabbed my wrists and held them above my head.

"Tut Tut Bella, you are mine." He leaned into me and I could feel the hardness of his erection.

"Do you trust me?" He whispered into my neck biting down gently, creating a delicious sting that he soothed with a kiss.

"Completely" I moaned.

He let go of my wrists and traced the outline of my bra. "So beautiful, so pure." His words filled my heart. I needed more. I sat up slightly and he sat back on his heels, watching as I unlatched my bra and tossed it aside.

"I need more" he groaned echoing my thoughts.

I moved to his pants and started unbuttoning them. He stopped me and pushed me back down onto the bed. Before I could protest he was crawling up my body and he stopped when his face was right where I needed him most. He inhaled deeply and his eyes rolled back in his head. "I need to taste you."

He started unbuttoning my jeans and slowly slid them down my legs. I had on plain white cotton panties with a bow that matched the one on my bra.

"Fuck" he murmured as he kissed my stomach. He nipped at my hips while hooking his fingers around my panties, pulling them down roughly. His eyes were pitch black now and he was breathing heavily, his nostrils flaring. He spread my legs gently and lowered his head to my center, looking up at me the entire time. His fingers spread my outer lips and I gasped. The cool air mixed with his breath created a wonderful sensation on my overheated flesh.

He gave one long languid lick and purred, "Bella I could feast on you and never tire of your taste." I moaned and laced my hand in his hair pushing him back to where I wanted him. He dove back in licking, sucking, and fucking me with his tongue. Finally he brought his fingers to my entrance and dipped one in while his mouth focused on the area above that made a coil start in my stomach. I was moaning, panting, and writhing beneath him.

"That's it, love. Let go." He said as he leaned back and let his thumb take over for his mouth. With his words my world exploded. I screamed his name and white lights exploded behind my closed lids.  
My breathing slowed and I opened my eyes. He stared at me with that predators look again. I realized he had not had his release yet. He made me feel so good that I would be damned if I couldn't do the same for him.

With a new determination I pushed him on the bed and took off his pants and boxers in one swoop. I gasped, "Holy fuck! Will it fit?" He laughed but I was serious. I decided to take his lead and started kissing and nipping at his stomach. The length of his hard on pressed tightly in between my breasts. He started moving his hips slightly and I realized he needed me now.

I scooted down and took a long lick of the underside of his shaft. When I got to the head there was a little bit of liquid there and I licked it experimentally and he groaned. It tasted salty and wasn't altogether unpleasant. I kissed and sucked up and down his shaft and I noticed more liquid had gathered at the tip. I wanted it, all of it. I put his head into my mouth and started licking and sucking trying to get more. I slowly fit more and more into my mouth until he hit the back of my throat and I gagged. I sat back a little unsure if I had ruined the moment.

"It's oh kay angel, just relax your throat and breathe through your nose." I nodded and continued. I relaxed my throat like he said and slowly moved down again. I wanted to please him so much and I just concentrated on my breathing. Suddenly his hand went to my hair and he tugged it slightly. This turned me on more and I slid more of him into my throat.

He started guiding me up and down muttering various profanities. "I'm going to cum angel, do you want it in your mouth?" I nodded with him still inside me and he shouted "shit!" as streams of hot salty liquid went down my throat. It surprised me but I swallowed it greedily, sucking until there was nothing left.

He scooped me up into his arms and kissed my forehead, "I've got you, love." He said squeezing me tighter. I was so happy at that moment that thoughts of my life outside of him made my eyes start to tear up. "I don't ever want to go back home." I whispered.

"Shhh, it's oh kay" he looked me in the eyes and said, "You can leave, like I did. We can take care of each other." His words made the tears spill over. "You are mine." He said more fiercely.

"Yes." I said before I could even think. "I turn 18 in two months."

"No love I won't let you go back there alone. I'll go with you and tell them you will be leaving with me."

"But…"

"Trust me Bella. I will make this work." He moved to hover over me. "You don't know how long I've waited for you."

He started kissing my neck and breasts again, his hands roaming to my throbbing sensitive core.

"God Bella you're still so wet. Are you ready for me? It will be painful the first time."

"I want to be yours Edward, completely." I said hoping he could hear how ready I was for this.

He moved to the nightstand and grabbed a condom. I shook my head and said, "The pill." He threw the condom and moaned, "Fuck yes."

He positioned himself at my entrance moving the head up and down to gather my juices before sliding in. The pressure of being stretched so fully took my breath away and I closed my eyes to block out the pain. He stayed still to let me adjust and whispered encouraging words in my ear. His breath in my ear and the weight of his body on top of me turned the pain into pleasure. I moved my hips slightly, experimenting, and a twinge of pleasure shot down my legs.

He took this as his cue to start moving and when he slowly pulled out only to plunge back into me my head spun. He continued at this slow pace and I could feel the coil in my stomach again. I wrapped my legs around him granting him deeper access and he grabbed my hips bringing me up to him roughly.

"Faster, unh, please Edward." I moaned and he lost the thread of control he had, pounding into me with wild abandon. The stinging pain only complimented the pleasure he brought me. He reached down and grabbed my hand putting it on my sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Touch yourself here" he moaned through his breathlessness. I did as he said and my pleasure skyrocketed.

"Oh God, Edward!" I screamed. He abruptly started plunging into me slow and rough changing his angle so he hit a particularly sensitive spot inside me.

"God isn't doing this to you Bella, I am." He was making it so good I would beg for release if he made me.

"Yes Edward, only you. Yours! OH FUCK!" I screamed as my second release hit me even stronger than the first. I could feel my muscles contract around his member, spurring on his own release. I milked him until we collapsed together in a sweaty mess.

"Bella, I love you." Edward said looking pained. "I thought love didn't exist for me until you walked into that classroom."

I kissed him softly on the tip of his nose and whispered, "I love you too. You are my life now." We fell asleep together, a tangled mess of arms and legs.

The last thought that echoed in my head before the quiet of sleep took me over … _I'm not afraid anymore._

The End

**A/N I hope you enjoyed, please review with any suggestions or feedback.**


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